


Freckles

by twerkingarmin



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blood, M/M, dead Marco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-23
Updated: 2013-10-23
Packaged: 2017-12-30 07:25:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1015790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twerkingarmin/pseuds/twerkingarmin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I miss him.<br/>I miss him more than I’d like to admit.<br/>But he’s gone and there’s nothing I can do to change that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Freckles

I miss him.

I miss him more than I’d like to admit.

But he’s gone and there’s nothing I can do to change that.

And now that he’s gone, I’m starting to remember the little things about Marco that I used to love. From the way his eyes would crinkle just the slightest when he would laugh, and the way his dark hair would flutter with even the slightest bit of wind. It wasn’t as stunning as Mikasa’s black locks, but now if I saw it - it might just be one of the most beautiful things I would ever lay eyes on.

No, it wouldn’t be the most beautiful. It would be close, though.

Marco as a whole could top anything considered beautiful.

To have him alive, breathing with a steady heartbeat. He could be battered or bruised, a scarred, bleeding mess, but if he was alive – that’s all I could ask for. That’s all that I want. I’ve plunged myself into hell, and I would do it a hundred times more if it meant I could bring Marco back. I’d join the Survey Corps over and over, feeling that overwhelming flood of fear that coursed through my body when I couldn’t will my legs to move. I would carry that fear and let it oppress me until the day I die if it meant Marco would appear one day, alive and in the Military Police, just what he wanted. What we both wanted.

But now I’m locked in a battle I can’t win, that not even the strongest solider could get the upper hand in. Even Lance Corporal Levi’s squad of the elite couldn’t make it. Eren gave us a small hope in the beginning; his determination to slaughter the titans touched us all. It gave me faith. But that faith was short lived when even he proved not to be enough.

So here I am, Jean Kirstein, stuck in an endless battle for the faith of humanity. One we’ll either die fighting, or be eliminated cowering behind the walls.

My head whipped around when I heard a loud bang, someone fired a flare – a titan had been sighted. I watched the smoke dissipate for a couple of seconds, before reaching for my own flare gun and firing.

This was my second mission outside of the walls, and I wondered if this time I would be one of the soldiers who didn’t make it back. My hands tightened their grip on my horse’s reigns, I knew I wasn’t the best soldier out here, so if we did get into a sticky situation I would probably end up a snack for a titan – no, I couldn’t think like that. It’s not going to be like last time. We’re going to be strong, there’s no way we could have that many casualties again. 

As I tried to convince myself of that, in the distance I heard other flairs being fired. They were faint, and with the continuous rush of blood to my head they seemed even more so. I glanced to both of my sides, not yet have I seen a titan out in this exploration, and hopefully I wouldn’t.

All was silent for a couple of minutes, and it was actually kind of peaceful. The green landscape with the occasional grouping of trees, the small hills making the horizon uneven; I realized that it would be nice to live here. To look outside my window and to see this every day, away from the big cities and annoying merchants, and to think that if we defeat the titans, then that could easily happen. If we defeat them, then the rest of the earth could be ours.

A scream pulled me out of my thoughts, a very shrill, close scream. I turned to look behind me, not five hundred feet away there was a titan. Once I actually grasped that yes, there was a titan behind me, in the process of tearing one of my fellow soldiers apart, I tugged on my horses reigns, turning him around and racing off towards the soldier in need.

I glanced up at the scene playing between the soldier and the titan, which was the worst thing I could have done. There was blood, so much blood. Half of their body had been chewed off, and a dark red was dripping from the titan’s mouth and streaming down. Screams still poured from their mouth as they writhed on the titan’s palm, crying out for someone – anyone – to come save them.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath: this truly had to be hell. The broken shouts and cries didn’t seem to be fading any time soon, pleading for help. I knew that they couldn’t be saved, I knew that even if I had reached them, there would be nothing I could do to stop the blood loss. The guilt I felt in my chest was almost over whelming, and my breath faltered for a second. How much longer could I stand to live with this, this terror and agony? When just the fear alone isn’t the only thing gnawing at me, and the guilt and regret are also to blame? How much longer could I stay sane throughout this journey? What if todays the day I snap, just when I’m finally stepping up to my worth. Would all this work, the sweat and the tears be for nothing?

The screams stopped, and I opened my eyes. All that was left was a gruesome, bloody mess. Parts of maneuver gear were crushed and broken to pieces around the titan’s feet, along with some dark red appendages. As I got closer I noticed a hand lay a few yards away, forming a loose fist, grasping its final moments of life.

My jaw clenched as I passed by the titan, it didn’t seem that fast, and in my current situation that was the best case scenario. It should be a quick and easy kill, and then I could get back to our original mission of finding Mr. Jaegar’s basement.

As I was about to transition to maneuver gear, I noticed something a little different about this titan. There were little, tan dots covering his skin: freckles.

I felt a wave of nostalgia as I stared at the freckles decorating its body, my mind coming back to Marco and the freckles spread over his cheeks and down his shoulders, running down his back and arms. I remember one night after training we tried to count them all, but after we hit one hundred and fifty we lost track of which had and hadn’t been counted. 

I remembered the way his back tensed and his muscles rippled when my fingers trailed over a patch of the marks that resembled constellations. His skin was warm under my fingers, soft and smooth as I felt small tingles shoot from my fingertips and up to my forearms. He glanced at me over his shoulder, a small, warm smile on his face and his eyes tired from a long day. I smiled back the best I could while trying to fight off my well developing blush and to keep that image embedded in my mind. The bluish light streaming in from the windows made his skin seem to glow and illuminate his already white teeth. It reflected off of his hair and the light sheets below us, those sheets that concealed his long, toned legs that were stretched out in front of him.

After a couple more minutes of useless counting and thinking of excuses to touch each other, we finally decided to sleep. Marco was long gone before me, and I noticed just how peaceful and relaxed he looked, more so than usual. A small smile ghosted itself into his lips and his hand was laid on the crack between our cots. I shifted onto my side and brought my hand to rest atop of his, watching his face until I myself fell asleep.

But I realized that this beast was nothing like Marco, it had a bloodlust and a fondness for killing. Marco was the polar opposite. He longed for friendship, he wanted everyone to be happy. He wanted us to stay safe - he wanted me to be safe. He sacrificed himself so I could get away when we were battling for Trost, he gave up his life for me. This mindless monster wouldn’t even consider giving itself up for one of his comrades - if you could consider those of its kind to be comrades. I’m sure the only reason why they’re not at each other’s throats is because they’re all after the same goal: to end humanity.

With an exhale of breath I switched to my maneuver gear, hitting the titan on either shoulder. As I was pulled up, I noticed what a dark brown its hair was. The way the strands swayed as it turned its head, which had a nice, long slash running from his brow to the middle of his cheek. Steam poured out from the wound, clouding the other half of the titans face and making its dark locks stick to its forehead. A speckle of light freckles could be seen dusting the upper part of its cheek, and probably stretching across its nose and its other cheek. 

I was certain that this titan had come from hell to personally torture me. Its resemblance to Marco was painful enough to make me set my jaw as I sliced a hunk of skin out of the back of its neck, hopefully deep enough to kill. I felt its back rumble with a low vibration, and I swore I could hear a low groan come from it. A huge gulf of steam ejected itself from the gash in the back of the titan’s neck, clouding my vision and making me cough and sputter as I descended while it fell.

I must have landed wrong, because the next thing I was on my side, a pain shooting down my arm. Fuck, something had to be broken. I rolled over onto my back, gritting my teeth and stretching my good arm across my body, my hand coming to rest on my bicep. I let out a choked sob and jerked it back, oh god no, this couldn’t be happening. It was definitely broken, there was no denying that. Bones don’t bend like that.

I noticed my blades lay a few feet away, the sunlight reflecting off of them and into my eyes, which I closed as I tried to push myself up, I had to get out of here before any more titans came, otherwise I was sure to be a nice lunch for one.

Once I was stable on my feet, I trudged toward the blades, grabbing the worn handles and sticking them into their slots in my gear with my right hand, carefully so I wouldn’t disturb the broken bone in my other arm. I scanned the horizon, looking for any other members of the Survey Corps. How was I supposed to ride my horse with a broken arm? I could probably manage for a while, but the constant bumps would be killer after some time.

My horse approached me slowly, seemingly unsure and timid. It snorted and I reached my good hand up to its nose, only then did I realize how bad it was shaking – how bad I was shaking. I slowly brought my hand back to my side, taking a deep breath to try and calm myself.

But that breath caught in my throat when I saw movement off to my side, the freckled titan sat up, its neck still spewing steam, and it turned to me. On instinct I reached for my blade, only able to pull one out now. There were no other soldiers around, probably for a mile or so. I was stuck, alone with probably a one and a million percent chance in surviving this.

Hey, Marco, I thought, my hand tightening around the handle of my blade. It looks like I’ll be with you soon.

I swallowed, tensing and waiting for the titan to strike, thoughts circulating in my brain, all of which centered on the last couple years of my life. From the day I first decided to become a trainee, to just a couple moments ago when I was thinking about how peaceful it would be to live out here, away from the city life.

I guess I’d never get to know.

As my mind went through the whirlwind of memories, the good and the bad, I decided on something: I didn’t want to die. Not today at least.

Not by the hands of one of them.

Marco didn’t risk his life to keep me alive if I was just going to throw it away like this. I didn’t want his death to be meaningless. I needed to persevere and make sure I honored his memory.  
I would see him again, and as much as I would love to see him now, I knew he would want the best for me – and the best would be to keep on living, to fight, and to make it through.

The titan’s movements were slow, now more so than ever, and as its hand came out to swipe at me I could easy dart out of its way. My arm bobbed painfully, but I would have to forget about that, I had to focus all of my attention on developing a plan to earn myself time. No way would I be able to quickly pull off making the gash bigger with one hand, I would have to strike it a few times.

Once I had a basic idea of the plan, I decided it was better than nothing at this point. I carefully put my blade in my left hand, grateful that even if my arm was broken or fractured that my hand could still be useful to some degree.

I reached down for my flare gun, loading a random smoke round into it and aiming square at the titans face, hoping that this plan would turn out better than expected for me. The trigger was hot under my finger, and once I was sure I was locked onto my target, I pulled it back.

At first it was just a cloud of green smoke, and I quickly rounded my way to the back of the titan, hoping that this would be enough of a distraction to give me the time I needed to attack with my disadvantage.

The titan’s hands flew to its face and I could hear a series of disgruntled noises coming from its mouth, a sign that this plan would be a success. I probably bought myself enough time to pull it off.

My maneuver gear latched on to its upper back, right below the base of the titan’s neck. I slammed a little painfully into the wall of titan flesh and let out a grunt, my jaw clenching as I tried to will away the pain in my left arm. I didn’t have time to recover from this, so I blinked away the moisture in my eyes and tried to regain my balance, digging my heels into the skin as I felt the weight of gravity try to pull me down.

I grabbed the blade that I had handed off earlier, now here was the tricky part; I brought my blade down into the groove of the wound I had already made, but it didn’t seem to affect the titan very much. Again I tried, cutting out another sliver of flesh that drooped down. Still nothing, the titan was still holding strong.

The smoke was starting to clear, and I brought the blade down, over and over, the sickening sound vibrating around my head. Sweat dripped down the side of my face, running down in continuous streams as I hacked at the skin. When was this titan finally going to die? The wound was at least double the size it originally was, surely it was close. It had to be.

There was only a faint hint of green in the air, and I cursed quietly when I felt the muscles of the titan move under its skin. I glanced up over its shoulder, a hand was slowly making its way towards me. No, this couldn’t be happening. I brought the blade down sharply, hitting the trench in its skin.

A large stream of steam poured out from it, and the hand fell back to its side. I noticed the ground rushing up towards me at a speed much too fast for my liking; the mixture of green grass and brown dirt blurring together as the titan fell, face first into the ground with a loud thud.

I was thankful that the maneuver gear kept me grounded, even if I did end up falling back onto my ass. With a deep breath I departed from the titan’s carcass, certain that this time it was dead while inspecting my injured arm. It was definitely fractured, when my fingers ghosted over a lump that I could feel through the tough leather of my jacket, I figured that was all the proof I needed.

I whistled for my horse, which galloped over not thirty seconds later. It whinnied softly when it approached me and I tucked my blade away so I could grab hold of the reigns with my right hand. Eventually I mounted the horse, turning it in the direction which we were originally headed and giving his sides a light, quick kick.

The reigns were becoming somewhat slippery in my grasp, and I had to adjust my hold on them a couple of times. The sun was hot against my back, and I was sure I was soaked to the bone with sweat.

With an exhale of breath I looked back at the path that I was supposed to be following, hoping that I could catch up with another soldier – preferably one with some sort of medical training – and have them help my arm. But, as I glanced around, I didn’t see anyone else. It would take some time for me to catch up to the rest of the Corps after my run in with the freckled titan.

Since it was a straight path for the most part, once again I let my mind wander, tying to forget my incident with the titan. I glanced up at the clear blue sky, wondering if Marco was watching over me.

I’m sorry, I thought, wrapping the horses reigns around my forearm since my hands were a soaking mess, I’m sorry, Marco. I’ll be with you some day, but for now I guess we’ll both have to wait.

I love you.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
